In search of serenity cover
Risk & Insurance

Dateline: my summer vacation. Not long ago, I wrote in these pages about how one cannot insure against heartbreak. Not one company rose to the challenge by offering coverage. Sigh. In the past few minutes, I have suffered two egregious losses that I would gladly have insured against, had cover been available. I was standing about, as writers will, surveying the scene in a suburb somewhere, when an ugly man drove by in an SUV. He wasn't wearing a shirt, and he had tattoos. Now that is something a person does not want to see, at any price. So listen up: Ugly Tattooed Man (UTM) could be the next D&O. Side A: no shirt. Side B: display of repairman butt crack.

OK, so maybe you are yourself an ugly tattooed man, and are asking: why should I read this? Here's why. The fat cat with the tat was blaring "Sweet Home Alabama" out of his inboard stereo system. (Under UTM excess coverage, this would be referred to, as would the man himself in the rural South, as the "Ronnie Van Zant rider.")

As this bozo drove past, two goons with lawn mowers were hard at work nearby. Mowers are as noisy as jet aircraft. So, there I was, minding my own business, when a chubby dimwit and lawn mowers shattered my peace of mind. Insurable event? It should be.